18 months: Balls, bugs, bridges, breathing...and belief!!

Well it’s 4 months since my last update and it feels right to do one now as I am at 18 months post-op today.  Considering I thought I’d be done with this whole blog thing by 6 months on the basis that I’d be over the surgery, back to normal, loving the new hardware and getting life back, the fact I’m writing a year on is actually something I should feel a little bit peed off about.  But on the plus side I’ve learnt a lot – for myself and about myself – and hopefully other people in a similar situation may read it and find some points in common, get some help from it, or just take comfort knowing that full recovery isn’t always that quick but you just have to plug away, be patient and eventually you get there.

I am always very wary about tempting fate.  Part of me doesn’t want to say things are Ok in case it all goes tits up again. But the fact is that I do finally feel that I’ve got to a lovely end of a long and, at times, pretty shitty journey as far as my hip goes.  To say it’s been a rollercoaster is an understatement and I’ve had down spells that most people won’t have even guessed at.

 

People will have seen me walking around, generally seemingly enjoying myself, looking absolutely fine but won’t have known that the day started with pain and frustration as just dressing myself was hard work.  That every time I raised myself from a sitting position I was inwardly screaming as it always hurt.  That I felt the need to stand for a couple of seconds before actually moving as I had to be sure I wasn’t going to get that pain ripping through my groin on taking a step forward.  Or that at the end of a day at work I’d get to my car and have to physically lift my leg with my hands just to get in the car seat.  And then usually have a bit of a cry on the way home.  That was where I was from about October last year through to early Feb this year.

And that came on top of having got myself back to dancercise and riding, thinking at around 5 months it was all going great apart from that niggly groin thing.  I hadn’t banked on that niggle turning into something that could make life such a misery at times.  Don’t get me wrong – I had good spells, I could walk fine but it always lurked.  And then by the end of the year it had got that I wasn’t actually fine walking some times.  I did contemplate using my stick but was really just too bloody minded to do what I saw as giving in to that.  So I managed without, but just with a fair bit of cursing and occasional painkillers.

The turning point was when I went to see Angie Jackson, the physio to whom I am eternally grateful.  I had originally gone to her intending to see her after a second steroid injection but she said she felt she could help me avoid the need for the needle.  I described in my last post in April how she went right back to total basics, getting me to breathe properly.  Well since then she has been building up the exercises for me, all focussing on engaging my core properly, and it’s paid off fantastically.  She got me working on my bridges, building in foot taps and band work. She had me bouncing on my Swiss ball and doing leg lifts while sitting on it.  She got me doing various squats and exercises up against a wall.  She introduced me to the ‘dead bug’, lying on my back with alternate arm/leg movements.  And combining the dead bug with the ball (that’s a killer!).  She also tackled pain I started getting in my other hip and back.

For my part I have been much better doing the exercises, mainly as I felt I could really see some benefit from them, which I couldn’t see before.  But when somebody explains to you how doing some adjustments made the exercises actually more effective, or explaining how doing all the clamshells in the world wouldn’t help if other parts of your core weren’t firing properly, then you’re more willing to listen and put the work in.  I have to say I have not been as diligent as I would like.  Some days work or life got in the way a bit.  But I always made time for doing a few before work – but after feeding the cat.  Have you ever tried doing a side plank while a cat hungry for food and attention is shoving her face, or worse her arse, in your face? I also did some at work.  So if anybody reading this happens to use the Etherow kitchen room, this is the crazy woman standing on one leg waving her other leg around (proprioception clock) explaining herself.  And something always in the evening – I got quite adept at watching telly while lying on my back.

Gradually things improved.  Leg lifting was pretty much pain free all the time.  Walking was back to being mostly pleasurable, and if it wasn’t the groin wasn’t the reason.  And the big yardstick was being able to step into knickers and put socks on.  Now there’s barely a twinge putting knickers on.  Most times now I don’t even think about it.  Occasionally I try to do left leg first and even then it is mostly fine, only some slight stiffness but not pain in the groin.  I have started back at dancercise again and been 3 weeks now with no ill effect.  In fact last week I was half way through the class and we were doing a routing that involved repeated knee lifts.  It suddenly dawned on me what we were doing and the fact that I hadn’t even thought about it until then and it didn’t hurt a bit.  I felt absolutely buzzing when I left the class. Well actually I felt rather sweaty and extremely unfit but buzzing on the hip front.

I’m now going to look out for Bollywood dance classes and also hopefully get back on a horse again.  (I had included hula hoop classes in that sentence but now found out the classes have been cancelled so some quick editing called for!) I’m also helping myself by trying (again!) to lose weight and have joined Slimming World.  I resisted doing anything I had to pay for, felt I could do it on my own but my ever expanding arse, legs, waist are all telling me I am clearly crap at going it with willpower alone.  I did get back to my 5:2 fasting but it was having no effect at all, whereas a fortnight on Slimming World and 2 miracles have happened.  Firstly I lost 5lbs in the first week.  And tonight my week 2 may have only been 2lbs down but it does mean I have my half stone award and my first ever certificate for being less fat!  Secondly, and probably a major factor in that loss, I haven’t had any chocolate apart the little Hifi ceral bars and Options hot chocolate drink (only one per day max)  in almost 2 weeks.  I have snacked on fruit and indulged cravings occasionally with a mini milk lolly (only 1.5 syns!)  I am keeping a food diary meticulously and trying to be good this first month as I am off for 2 weeks to France and then Italy at the start of September and have no intention of behaving myself there.  I did get a helping hand Saturday as I discovered that my body really does not like lightly cooked kale.  If I don’t get some weight loss to compensate for a few bathroom visits I shall be well upset.  Anyway all of this really has more place in my other blog (a diet one) than this so I will stop there on the foodie stuff.

So all bloody great on the whole hip recovery thing.  There are a couple of niggles I have but I am not dwelling on them as they really aren’t that troublesome, and I do feel  I now have an armoury of exercises to tackle things with.  I know that so many things in the body are related, but at the same time I refuse to let my hip be the blame for everything.  I’m sure even without the surgery I’d have had niggles in my back or my knee.  I’m nearly 53 years old, I have osteoarthritis, I’m too sedentary, I eat too much crap and I’m overweight.  Of course I’ll have niggles.  Sometimes you just have to accept that and it drives me nuts when I see people wanting to use their hip replacement as an excuse for everything.  If you’re doing something wrong or have some condition that has caused hip problems, then it’s entirely logical you will have other hurty bits.  That’s another reason I am so glad I’ve seen Angie as it’s made me take a much more holistic view and be far more realistic about things based on what I am doing.

Reading back I now see this has become quite a mammoth post but I am pretty hopeful this will be my sign off.  I always intended to write about my run-up and recovery.  It’s been cathartic for me doing it.  It’s been good for me to read back and remind myself about how I did. And I hope it’s been helpful for some.  In particular given how long this has all taken, and me being so sure I’d be done and dusted much more quickly, I hope this gives some comfort and encouragement to people who aren’t having the quickest recovery.  Be patient…much much easier said than done I know.  Seek advice – if it feels wrong ask somebody.  If you’re told just to walk walk walk that may be fine but don’t neglect core exercises, especially if you have any pain.  See a physio, especially if you feel your surgeon isn’t so sympathetic or isn’t offering any real help.  But above all hang in there as it will get better, just don’t be tempted to compete with others.  I know some of my friends across the pond have learnt a few new words from this blog so it’s been educational too!  This whole hip journey has taught me a lot about myself.  It’s made me appreciate things more and put things in perspective.  It’s taught me the value of patience. And it’s made me some friends on the way :)  And if my left hip ever goes the same way I will have no qualms about going through it all again.  In which case I may just return to this blog but until then “so long and thanks for all the ‘likes’”

A bit de-stressing

Another 2 months on so it seemed a good time to give an update.  Partly written with a feeling of I really shouldn't be doing this as I have a job interview to prepare for.  But it's the Easter holidays and I've already spent a lot of time doing that.  I'm at that point of reading things then not knowing what I've just read so I need a break.  I didn't actually just put my work down and log on here.  Oh no, I visited FB first and a link to the April giraffe webcam popped up so I thought I'd have a nosey.  Unlike many people I haven't been glued to April for weeks, this was the first time I'd looked.  To be honest I've been more impressed by the giraffes at Chester who had baby Murchison in December and then another baby a week ago.  And 2 elephants. And an orang. And others I can't remember off the top of my head.  So the whole April hype has never got to me but as I clicked on there were 2 legs hanging out so I watched for a bit and only saw her give birth :)  

Anyway I did try after that to get back to the work stuff but it's not working right now.  I also got called on a mercy mission to look for hearing aid batteries down the gap in the sofa.  Oh the joys of having mum-in-law staying with us!  But headspace just isn't right for work so here I am. Sorry!

So...the hip thing.  Or rather the groin thing.  The hip itself is bloody brilliant.  I see things in the FB groups about people who are several month post op but still use a stick as they limp, or have no strength, or for security as they feel unsafe in crowds.  I count myself so lucky that I've always felt really secure with mine.  I was back in my office at work 8 weeks after surgery, mixing with many other people, doing stairs and didn't feel at all vulnerable, just felt great. One wobbly moment on a slippy floor but really felt just normal.  At 13 weeks I made a conscious decision not to take my stick on holiday when we went to Morocco, and got the big test of the very crowded streets of Marrakech and felt totally fine. And a month later in Barcelona we spent 3 days walking crowded streets, doing the hop on hop off buses, lots of opportunity for bustling and jolting but never thought twice about it. So the more I read of other people having difficulties one way or another, the more I realise what a godsend this has been for me.

But the groin has been a pain.  I had a steroid injection in January having been diagnosed with tendonitis.  For a couple of weeks it felt miles better. Not pain free but more like the level I'd been at say 4 months after surgery.  I kept at the exercises but over the next few weeks it felt like I was fast forwarding through the old pain levels.  I didn't get quite as bad as I had been in October last year, but it was a lot worse than after the injection.  I saw Mr H-R 8 weeks after the injection, half expecting him to say I needed surgery.  Instead he told me he felt the best option was to do nothing for now as tendonitis could often resolve on its own.  He spelt out the risks of having the surgery which are the same as having any surgery in terms of risk, failure to cure etc.  But he also says he has a 70% success rate in the patients he does go in on, with others just not seeing an improvement.  To me those are pretty good odds.  But it was clear he feels I should wait a bit before taking that step as I do have good movement and it doesn't interfere with my every day life.  I asked about a second injection and he did say I could consider that but recommended having physio after it if I did.  He also gave me the name of a different physio, not that there's anything wrong with Siobhan but a different person, different approach etc.

I felt a bit deflated to be honest.  I did argue the toss a bit regarding it interfering with my normal life.  Sure I can walk fine but it'd be nice to put my knickers on without quite so much performance.  Anyway I decided I'd look into the injection plus physio option, though wasn't sure if the insurance would cover the physio.  But when I rang them they said they would so I needed to sort the physio out.  I rang the one he'd recommend and turns out she heads up a large practice in Alderley Edge and the receptionist said I might end up seeing one of the others.  I said I did want someone specifically experienced in people with my issues and they took details and said Angie (the main lady) would call me back but she was down at a conference in London.  I was slightly amazed when she rang me back one evening as I was just about to drive home from a meal out.  Phone on the loudspeaker (no misbehaving and getting points thank you!) and we spoke for almost half an hour, with her asking loads of questions about my hip history (hipstory?  yes new word there but it works!) She said she would like to see me before any injection so she saw me more in my 'natural' state, and could asses me properly then promptly booked me in for the coming Saturday morning.

I had a really good feeling about her as she had been so thorough on the phone and talking more about a holistic approach, looking at habits I might have unknowingly been getting into since my hip first problems first showed up back in 2010/11.  When I got there she assessed my movement which she said was good - not really a surprise.  She lay me down and put a hand on my chest and another on my tummy, and told me to take deep breaths.  As I did she asked me if I was at all stressed.  Well, how long have you got...

In early Feb my mum-in-law had a flood at her house and moved in with us until they can dry and repair hers.  We go on holiday in May and it probably won't be done by then.  We have now got that covered but up til now has been bloody hard work.  It's like having a toddler again but without having the parental clout to go with it.  She is very forgetful and pretty deaf so great fun in the morning when she tries to have a conversation before she's put her hearing aid in.  And it feels like we have no time to ourselves now, and I have no time to myself at all.  The house is so noisy as she has the TV on non-stop (ITV3 reigns supreme, oh joy, yet another Miss Marple!!).  It puts a quite a strain on things and Kev and I are snapping at each other even more than usual.  

And then there's work.  A nice announcement a few weeks back that my group is merging with another and all our jobs change so we have to apply for new ones.  I have seriously thought about just saying enough's enough and leaving with redundancy but it's not what I really want now.  So I have to go through the joys of an interview.  On the plus side I have a chance to apply for jobs at a higher grade though I don't hold out a huge deal of hope as I'm up against others already at that grade.  On the down side I have to do all the prep anyway and possibly end up doing what for now seems like not a huge change from what I already do.

So yes I have stress in my life.  She told me that I basically was breathing wrong, and that was likely partly due to the stress now but was possibly something I've got into over a period of time.  I'm not using my diapragm properly and that means my whole core is weak and my hip flexors are taking a hit.  She started pressing into my tummy and finding very sore bits.  This is the big bad psoas.  She also pressed along under my ribs which was moderately painful but she said she was releasing things in that area so I could start properly supporting my hip flexors.  Then she pressed on my sternum in that bit under the front of my bra and then the pain was of the what-the-fuck, off the scale type.  She said it was normal given the state I was in and told me to breath through it.  I swear childbirth was less painful. And they gave me gas and air for that.  Anyway she kept pressing and the pain subsided.  Then 2 things happened which she was totally prepared for and which I wasn't.  Firstly she tested my knee up movement again and it was much less painful, then as she was talking about not only physical but also emotional release, I just burst into tears.  She just passed me the tissues and seemed pretty relaxed while I was snivelling and apologising for being what felt like a bit of an idiot to be honest.

When I calmed down she said she thought I could benefit from more sessions and hopefully avoid the need for another injection. She told me to work on my breathing and worry less about the stretches and exercises for now.  I've since had one more session with her and a few more booked in and while the pain is still there it feels like it's stopped progressing and some days is less.  I find that if I take a few minutes just focussing on calming and breathing right, then the pain is less.  Listening to it, it does all sound a bit out there but I am open minded enough to give anything a try.  And another bonus is that it's given me a bit of a stress management tool which is certainly very welcome right now.

So, I am hopeful about the groin pain.  I'm not over hopeful about the higher grade job but as comfy as I can be that I will come out with no less than I have now.  And after Thursday that's out of my hands anyway.  Then I have some holiday to look forward to.  Kev and I are going back to Kefalonia on 6 May for a week.  The week before that I had booked us a couple of days in Brighton but he now won't be able to come because of his mum.  But I am still going.  I can meet up with some friends down south and with all that's gone on I just need a decent break.

And Liverpool have been winning some games lately :)  And on the topic of Liverpool I have to remember the date today and realise that a bit of groin pain really isn't that bad.  28 years ago today 96 people, many of them pretty young, went to a football match and never came home.  The truth has come out, we hope for justice to be served.  
RIP. You'll Never Walk Alone

My first hippiversary

So...today is my One Year Hippiversary.  That really is a thing apparently.  Not sure it's made it into the OED yet.  Friendaversary is in the urban dictionary so there's chance yet I suppose.  Or if hippiversary isn't enough of a thing there's the Hippy Birthday.  Whatever...today is a year since I went bionic in my right hip.

Before my surgery I thought that by this time I would be back riding, zumbaing (not sure what the verb is there!), dancing...everything I've put on hold for the last 5 years.  And to start with that's just how it seemed.  Walking well, pain free, only niggle was the groin thing that I knew would go because everybody said it would. Only it didn't.  It stayed, then it got worse and my last blog entry has gone through the whole sorry story.

So while I would love this to be an all signing happy-clapping story of my perfect life with my new hip the reality is an update on the groin pain that has hung round for the past year.  I had my steroid injection 3 weeks ago.  I was a bit of a mess going in for it having had a pretty rough time with one before.  But this was actually not too bad.  Not something I'd have on a bucket list of how to kill a couple of hours but I've been through worse.  Watching Liverpool in January for one thing - now that was painful!

Yet again there was more stress in my head than necessary.  And yet again it was the local anaesthetic injection that was the worse bit.  Just a little prick!  That came after having spent quite a while looking at me via an ultrasound to see just where needles were going.  So having been comfortably numbed I then lay there chatting to the nurse and pointedly not looking down as I felt a lot of pushing around.  Occasionally it got a bit uncomfortable but really wasn't painful.  Which was just as well seeing as it must have gone on for about 10 minutes.

The doctor did tell me upfront that this was not a cure and was only designed to buy me time.  That was the first time anyone had specifically said that.  It wasn't much of a surprise and I was grateful that it had actually been made clear.  He also warned me about 'steroid flare'. This is where the first couple of days can actually go more painful before they get better.  So I was suitably prepared.  Kev was with me to drive me home, as the hospital had instructed, but to be honest I felt fine.  And for the whole evening I was having happy positive thoughts as for once it wasn't excruciating.  OK so I still had local anaesthetic in me but it was nice to enjoy for the moment.

I went to bed thinking maybe I hadn't needed to plan on working from home next day after all.  I woke up next morning in agony and couldn't even move my leg.  Ok this was steroid flare kicking in.  I did some gentle stretches and walked round the house a bit in between having to sit and work and by lunchtime it had eased a bit.  Then over the next week or so I was aware of things.  Like not having to wince as I brought my leg into the car. And best of all being able to step into my knickers :)
It wasn't pain free, but it was like winding the clock back several months and just having a little twinge.  And this time I knew what I needed to do to.

I have been back to my exercises really diligently.  To the point I am now bored rigid doing them but I'm persevering.  I'm actually having some days when I feel more sore in my outer thigh and buttocks from all the glutes exercises.  I've even deliberately gone to trying to work 2 days a week from home so I can do my exercises in the morning.  It has been a constant niggle of having been at this point before and it got worse rather than went away. But it really had seemed to help having the injection and if this blog had been written a week ago I probably would have been quite bouncy.  BUT (and with me there's always a big butt!) in the past week it feels as though it's getting worse again.  I can still step into the knickers but it's definitely more painful.  I'm trying to keep going with the exercises and hoping it will get better but it is hard at times to keep all positive as I just feel I've been here before.  Yes there's been moments I've had a little bit of a cry in frustration too and then I get annoyed at myself for being like that.

And I hate feeling my whole blog post is a tale of doom and gloom.  Am I still glad I had the surgery?  Yes.  Would I go through it again if my left hip needed it?  Yes again.  I can walk loads and mostly am in little or no discomfort at all.  Pre-op that was something I couldn't do at all.  I did go to a party last week where Kev was DJ and avoided dancing as I was just feeling cautious, and I don't like that but I am trying to do all I can to help myself here.  Generally people would likely be pretty amazed to hear I've had a hip replacement whereas 13 months ago they'd have seen me hobbling round using a walking stick.  A purple sparkly one but still a walking stick.  I banished that stick the day I went into hospital.  Once I came off crutches I didn't use a single aid and for that I am really pleased.  So the next few weeks I will work my butt off - or at least work it!  And keep fingers crossed.  Back to Mr H-R late March, 8 weeks post injection and then possibly consider release surgery if need be.  For now I'm going to hope and keep enjoying stepping in my knickers :)

Pam Ayres' teeth, my glutes

I’m in 3 different Facebook groups for Hippies and one thing that seems to crop up fairly regularly is the topic of groin pain.  Many people have this pre-op, especially if there’s things like labral tears which was my case.  But there’s also a number of us who’ve complained about it post op.  I just thought I’d use this blog as a way of sharing my experience, to maybe help people think about how they might get themselves sorted earlier or avoid getting in the state I’m in altogether.

I had posterior THR on my right leg in February 2016, and am based in the UK where we use crutches from the start, not walkers.  I had also gone private so had access to physio which isn’t always the case for people on NHS.  After the pretty rough first couple of weeks most of us have, I got into quite a good routine.  I know I hit my first 10K steps on Day 11, though that wasn’t by any means regular occurrence but I was getting out for a couple of decent walks pretty much every day.  I was on 2 crutches until 4 weeks; I did try dropping to one earlier but limped so stuck with 2 and worked on my walking.  Then at 4 weeks I walked with one and by 6 weeks I was crutch free and limp free.  So my walking was great, I loved just being able to get out there and not hurt.  From day 1 I’d also had exercises to do, very simple ones for the first few weeks, then moving on to bring in the delights of clamshells and bridges.  I was pretty good about it, always found time to do them diligently. 

Once I did start the other exercises I noticed the groin pain more.  I knew that at first there’s all kinds of aches and pains and wasn’t worried, just figured it’d all settle in time.  I was walking great and in no pain other than that.  I was on restrictions until 12 weeks so it wasn’t as if I was doing anything drastic anyway.  I’d gone back working from 6 weeks on a very gentle phased return, not full time until 12 weeks.  But once I was working more it was harder to find time in the day to do all the exercises and the walking that I wanted to do.

From 5 weeks out I’d been having hydrotherapy and occasional land-based physio.  I’d often mentioned the groin pain and was given different exercises for my hip flexors, along with assurances that it wasn’t uncommon and would settle in time.  I did really work on them, and tried to keep up the walking and realise now I’d sacrificed the glutes exercises somewhat around this time.  But when you consider that some people never even get given any exercises to do surely that wasn’t so big a deal.

After my restrictions were lifted things did go kind of as I’d hoped.  I went on holiday to Morocco and got my first running test crossing a road in Marrakech where it was a case of run or die! I went to Barcelona and clocked up well over 20K steps each day we were there.  I did a steps challenge over the summer and averaged 12K steps a day, not bad considering I was working much of that time in a desk based job.  I walked on smooth and rough surfaces, I climbed steps, all was fine.  I even returned to my dancercise class at 5 months and though I was unfit I had little trouble with the moves, only occasionally did I twinge.  And I also got back on a horse for a short very gentle session. But through all that I had this wretched groin pain.  Never constant just niggling away on certain movements.

I saw my surgeon in August at my 6 month check and had an x-ray which showed everything looked fine.  He suggested I drop the riding and dancercise and to try taking a course of anitinflammatories.  So I armed myself with omeprazole to protect my stomach and hit the ibuprofen 3 times a day.  This coincided with our cruise holiday.  We did a load of walking, again no problem at all.  I also wore heels and got drunk and danced in the evenings a couple of times. No problems. And I also got to rest up a lot of our days at sea.  But if anything the groin pain was starting to get worse.  It was always worse on waking and when doing things requiring me to lift my knee, so stepping in my knickers, once a source of great excitement, had once again become near impossible.   Even getting in the car and driving was starting to hurt, bearing in mind it’s my brake and accelerator leg.  So late on in October I went back to my surgeon.

He had talked before about steroid injections which I have never been keen on, having had bad experience when I had them in my hip pre-arthroscopy.  I’d also had another doctor tell me that while they can often be curative in elbow and shoulders (and I had an elbow one that worked brilliantly), he said in lower limbs they usually only buy time.  I actually felt I’d rather go straight for keyhole surgery but that wasn’t an option.  I can understand why but he said he wouldn’t do surgery without having tried the injection option.  I said I didn’t want the injection without having tried more physio so I went back for a course of 8 weeks with a physio who I have had work on me many times before and who has worked with my surgeon on THR patients.  In this course of sessions she got more hands on, massage aimed at releasing things in the psoas, some electro treatment, a form of ultrasound.  She also advised me to work more on my glutes and gave me some additional exercises which I was good at doing.  But over the next few weeks things got worse. By week 7 she said that she was out of ideas and said I really should go back to my surgeon which I did last week. 

I had another x-ray and an MRI scan.  On the plus side the x-ray was great; the downer was that the MRI showed I have tendonitis and bursitis in the psoas.  His view backed up that of the physio.  It seems that the walking I did early on would have been fine apart from the fact I tend to walk quite briskly and stride out well (my husband says I stomp!). That means I give the hip flexors quite a bit of a workout.  Because my glutes were weak they were not supporting my hip flexors.  Over time this meant that there would have been some forward movement with the muscles to the rear not working as well as they should and there has been rubbing in the area of the front of the capsule.  This has contributed to the tendonitis and bursitis.  By the time I was at the physio this was likely too well established for me to do anything about.  I did point out how it seemed a bit unfair as I know many people have never been given exercises at all so it’s not like I was the world’s worst exerciser.  He agreed and said I have been unlucky.

Now I am possibly in more pain than I was pre-op, mostly low level but with some bloody severe spikes.  It hurts as I lie in bed, rolling to either side can be uncomfortable.  I’ve almost given up trying to step into pants in the regular way but instead I let them dangle so I can do a low step into them.  Getting in the car I sometimes have to actually use my hands to lift my leg in.  So now I am 2 weeks away from a steroid injection, and if that doesn’t work then I may be looking at keyhole surgery.  In the meantime I am back with a vengeance on working the glutes.  I’m to keep active and walk as long as it’s not painful which suits me fine.  I don’t think anybody has at any time ever been at all negligent in giving me information; I honestly don’t think anybody could’ve have foreseen how this was going as generally I was doing so well.  All through this I have had great movement in terms of range and the amount that was pain free. 

But right now with the benefit of hindsight if I could go back in time I’d spend more time working on those pesky glutes.  Hence the title of this blog post.  Brits of a certain age will have heard of a lady called Pam Ayres.  She used to be on telly regularly reciting her comedy poems.  And one of those was a little ditty called ‘Oh I Wish I’d Looked After Me Teeth’ from the perspective of somebody  wishing they’d paid better attention to cleaning their teeth as they now have false ones.  I kind of feel the same about my glutes.  For anybody else with groin pain, while working on hip flexors makes total sense and may even be the answer to problems, don’t neglect the glutes.  And don’t assume that being active means you’re healed.  Sometimes now I see people who are doing loads really quickly and want to warn them not to be complacent but it sounds then like I’m pissing on their chips to use a lovely quaint British expression.  Or that I’m bitter and jealous.  I’m not, though I do admit to a degree of envy.  But when people say they’re doing things but then admit they still hurt or limp or whatever, that’s when I really want to scream at them to take things easy.  In a few weeks I will be one year out and this isn’t how I saw myself.  But I’m determined I will be there.  I still don’t regret having the surgery, just wish I’d done things different after it.

Pain in the (pso)Ass

Well I’m breaking rules today.  Since moving to monthly and then every 2 months, I always do my blog on the 15^th, same date as my op.  Weekly I did on a Monday, having had my op on a Monday.  Today is not a Monday, nor a 15^th.  It’s just a day I feel a bit of a need to rant and it’s safer to do it here.  Especially when my main readers seemed to be Russians.  Maybe they’re hackers using my blog to get Trump elected.  In which case I can only apologise to the world.

First week back after Christmas is always a bit of a low.  In the office Tuesday and first thing I did was forget the password I changed on the last day before the holidays.  Always great to start a new year with a call to the help desk.  And as I left work I’d got a parking ticket.  Luckily these are just internal to AZ ones, with a note telling me I’ve been a naughty girl and to go get a permit.  I do have a permit, I just wasn’t displaying it.  It sits on my sun visor thing which believe it or not I didn’t think to drop down when driving to work in England in January at 7am.  I finished that day with a visit to the Alex (my hospital) but that was to see my cough doctor. He basically agreed with my self assessment that I was a bit of a fraud turning up there with no sign of a cough but said he finds me a bit fascinating!

Today though was back to the Alex to have my MRI scan and see Mr Hoad-Reddick again.  Luckily I left work in good time, the traffic wasn’t bad on the roads to the hospital but I think I sussed the reason once I got there; they were all parked in the hospital car park! I drove round once, nada, zilch.  Did the one-way loop back round the hospital building and re-entered car park, figuring I might as well just head to the new overspill car park.  Except that’s for staff.  So did another lap of the patients’ car park and still nothing.  And this time there’s a string of cars all looking for spaces.  So onto a 3^rd lap, shamelessly cutting up some lady who stopped thinking I was going past her when I nipped in front of her in the car park queue .  Sorry but you’re on your first lap, I’m on my third, seniority rules.  Or is that senility?  Some days it doesn’t feel there’s much difference.  This time I ended up almost on the way out but ducked into the car park that’s technically for one of the other hospital buildings.  But it’s where I went on Tuesday and I’m pretty much a regular at the Alex these days so figured I deserved it.

Made it into the MRI building with only about 5 mins to kill after all my leaving early, then got called in nicely on time.  The man attending to me was very sweet and really apologetic that with their computer broken it meant they couldn’t play the radio through my headphones so I had to just listen to the various noises the scanner makes.  The noises get very repetitive and I started hearing imaginary voices in them, the most distracting being the one that seemed to be whispering ‘mince pie’ over and over.   Obviously you have to lie very still for this and it took about half an hour in total.  At one point I was aware of my leg twitching as I’d actually dozed off in there.  At the end I could hardly move as I was so stiff and my back sore, and my feet were freezing; I’m sure I could’ve left my socks on, note to self for next time there!

When I got out and got dressed I realised it was only 2 minutes until my appointment with Mr H-R so I legged it round to the main building, flying visit to the ladies en route.  He had my MRI pics up on screen when I got in and immediately told me he could see inflammation, the tendonitis thing we’d suspected all along was there in black and white.  Well black and less black. 50 shades of grey almost.  But he said he also wanted to see a standard x-ray and as I hadn’t had one since August I was to go back upstairs and get that done.  Normally this means loads of sitting around but I was whizzed in and out of that and back in his office with barely any time to read the footy pages of the paper.  He spent a little time examining me ie pulling and bending my legs around in various directions until he got an ‘ouch’.  Then he sat me down and talked me through the screen.  I asked about the cyst I had showing since pre-op and he said he had no concerns about that; he also said there was no sign of infection and he didn’t see a need to do the bloods for that.  He also said that the xray showed my new bionic joint to be looking great, bone set nicely around the implant and all positioning is absolutely perfect. But then he showed me on the MRI where the problems are with inflammation  of the tendons and also more fluid than there should be indicating bursitis of the psoas.  Lots of people develop trochanteric bursitis, I had it myself some years ago.  But that’s on the other side of the hip.  This is right in the groin area.  I had wondered about whether it might be bursitis rather than tendonitis I had; didn’t actually expect I’d do the double!

I must admit that while it’s good to actually see proof of what’s been causing this pain, and while I was expecting this, I still got home feeling pretty upset.  I had done so well, been so positive, tried to avoid wallowing in self pity and things had been great – riding, dancercise, looking forward to doing proper zumba.  Then it all just seemed to turn and head backwards.    Just felt like I’d been smacked in the face a bit and needed a little cry.  I am actually at a point now where my pain sometimes is worse than I was pre-op.  The groin thing now really gets sore.  Having got so overly excited at stepping into knickers that’s now something I can’t do as I just can’t lift my leg.  And getting in the car sometimes I have to physically lift my leg with my hands as I it hurts to just lift it normally.  And the pain radiates round into the outside of my hip and into lower back, which apparently is to be expected but not really much consolation.  I’ve done my online shopping and order more paracetamol and ibuprofen!

So next step is to get booked in for an ultrasound guided steroid injection which I am looking forward to as much as the thought of Man Utd beating us in 2 weeks.  I had the injection into my hip before and it hurt like hell, apparently as they went into the tendon.  This time they’re aiming for the tendon!!  But I don’t have a lot of choice – I have to grit my teeth, swear a lot under my breath, maybe out loud if it calls for it.  And then hope it works and my visit to Mr H-R 8 weeks later will be to say farewell.  In the meantime I’ve got to up my game on my glutes exercises, lots of bridges and clamshells.  I know I’m not the best at doing these but I don’t believe there aren’t other people who are equally lax.  In fact many people I know didn’t even get given any exercises to do.  Mr H-R says there’s no real reason and I’ve just been unlucky, and possibly a victim of my own early success walking so much but without decent strength in other muscles.

Another thing that will help is losing some weight.  On Saturday I hit record high on the scales so am now being good.  And sitting at a computer is not conducive to good hips or weight so I have to drag myself off my ever expanding arse more.  To be fair it was more out of necessity really as I was online shopping for a holiday.  Which is now booked :)  Now to go sort my hips and tackle that weight, the latter being a subject of another blog.  Not even sure I’ve got 6 reading that one, let alone a load of Russians!  

10 months, could do better

Sooooo 10 months today since I became bionic.  I would love to say my world has been transformed, that I’m back dancing, riding, zip-wiring, ice-skating, roller-skating, generally all round action figure, poster girl for any sanitary product.  Sadly not.  Though to be fair I’ve never been much good at skating whether on blades or wheels.  I did go to school with a girl who was in Tampax adverts though!  Anywayyyyy, that’s me off doing my shiny moment, totally digressing. Again.  No wonder I don’t do this blog much.  I’m driving myself slightly mad writing it so have total sympathy for any of my 6 readers left.

Actually my readership has changed.  I’ve been getting a steady but very small trickle of hits, only about 1 a day but it shows there’s still some life in the old blog if not in its author.  And the blog dashboard shows where the readers are based.  For some reason, no idea why, I seemed to accumulate a glut of readers in Russia recently.  Today they have all apparently drifted away and France has become the hotbed for people who have inadvertently stumbled across my musings.  Surely nobody in their right mind would go looking for this on purpose. Especially non native English speakers. Heck I can murder our language, heaven help poor foreigners trying to make sense of me!

Anyway back to the topic in hand. And when I say ‘in hand’ I really mean in physios hands.  Yes, I’m back getting treated again as this sodding groin pain has got worse.  In my last blog I was due to see Mr Hoad-Reddick to discuss what the heck to do with me.  Fortunately with him swearing some hippo oath thing and euthanasia being illegal I am still treatable.  We discussed options which include steroid injections as pre-emptive to keyhole surgery.  I hate the thought of the injections but he wouldn’t consider surgery without having first tried the needles.  I said I wasn’t keen on the needles without trying something else first so we have settled on me having a course of physio.  If it doesn’t work then it’ll be MRI scan and then the steroid evils.

So 7 weeks ago I was back in the care of Siobhan, a lovely physio who first treated me for my earlier hip problems 5 years ago and referred me to Mr Hoad Reddick.  To start with she got me doing more hip flexor exercises and I also had some ultrasound and electric shock treatment.  That’s probably not the right term but instead of a gentle tingle building up it just went from zero to taser instantly!  Anyway roll on 3-4 weeks and it was getting no better, some days it was really worse and feeling it at night lying down.  Still infuriatingly fine when walking, very little discomfort and then only when doing stairs.  But the knee lifting kills it and rolling onto my side pulls in the groin really hard now.  Then she tried a different approach with more massage and it did feel a little better so having spent 9 months religiously stretching my hip flexors I was told to stop doing that and instead to focus on the muscles in the back area.  Seems that maybe I went off walking so much in the early days, and in my style quite quickly and striding out, and my hip flexors were doing a lot of work with my glutes not strong enough to support things, so my joint may have moved too much and caused capsulitis.  Obviously nothing to prove exactly what it is but I can see why that makes sense and now feel highly ashamed of myself for not doing those bloody bridge exercises as often as I should’ve done.  So in the last 2 weeks I have probably not got any worse but also not got better really.  I’m still back to knicker dangling rather than stepping in, but the last couple of nights have felt easier in bed. 

Today I had my penultimate session and everything she tried…nothing really seemed to hit the mark.  To start with she’d said that I should book myself in to see Mr H-R  anyway even though I still had the session next week with her.  But by the end of today’s session we’d got to that point of admitting defeat.  She feels that she has tried all she can think of and I just don’t seem to be responding.  She said that sometimes tendonitis can just sort itself out but just can’t say what’s actually going on with me.  She did say that the fact I can have pain free spells is a good sign, and it could be that I would just get to the point of having more pain free spells until the pain bits had gone.  I am now at that point of thinking I might as well go back to my dancercise if it’s going to be like this anyway…it didn’t actually hurt to do that.  Siobhan sort of agreed with me though I’m going to resist doing that until after I’ve seen Mr H-R.  So for now she’s signed me off her care, I felt sorry for her as she saw it as a bit of a failure but she has tried so much with no joy.  She’s told me to just get on with things, not even to worry about doing exercises, just walk as I can, enjoy the stuff I can do and try not to sweat it about the other stuff until I’ve gone back.

I did also give my hip/groin a bit of a test 2 weeks ago when I was at a party.  I don’t go out to Kev’s gigs anymore but this was a party for a workmate so I went along, took my heels and even did a bit of dancing.  And about 2 hours later my shoes were off and I was sitting on a chair nursing a painful hip.  That’s left me a bit gutted as it’s our works Christmas party next Wednesday and after the let down last year I was fully intending to be back up in heels dancing round this time.  I will probably still do that but may pay for it the next day.  

At least the next day will be spent at work.  After the party I spent the next day at a sci fi convention.  Yes really, at my age, I know, I know.  It was my friend Lindsay’s idea, Michael Biehn, her bedroom wall hero when she was a teenager..long story cut short, we ended up driving to Trafford Park and joining some very strange people in a large hall with the likes of Kit (the car) R2D2, a few Daleks and a very miserable Professor Sprout.  Miriam Margolyes does not like having her photo taken if you haven’t paid out for the privilege and shouted at me across the hall for daring to point my lens at her.  Totally put me off her and best comment was from one of my friends who summed it up with ‘it’s not like she’s Professor McGonagall’  Norman Lovett aka Holly from Red Dwarf however was absolutely lovely.  Anyway to get to this convention I had to drive for close to an hour the morning after the bad hip night so I was onto a loser from the start.  Then a lot of waiting around just about killed me off.  I had to take a chance to sit down for a while…in a strange bar area with 2 aliens, as you do! But it took the rest of that day before I stopped hurting.  So I’m understandably wary about impending frivolities.  But it’s Christmas, and there’ll be alcohol :)

The only other thing that’s really caused me discomfort has been sitting in small seats with no legroom .  But that had to be done as I got the chance of tickets to Anfield.  To see proper games, not friendlies.  Thanks to Ian at work I got the chance to use his season ticket for the games against West Brom and Sunderland.  Seats are evil – how the hell do tall or very fat people cope?  But this was Anfield, this was my red men, this is the Klopp age.  Heaven is in Liverpool 4.  And to hell with the hip.

Other than that things have been fine.  And as if to make up for lack of airport beeping I got my first squeak.  My hip joint has a ceramic head in a ceramic cup.  Meant to be very hard wearing and good for me being active.  Which I would like to be when the sodding groin gets sorted.  But ceramic on ceramic apparently has reports of squeaking.  This seems to freak out some people at the mere thought. Personally I make enough bloody creaks on bending pretty much anything now so the thought never bothered me.  And I didn’t actually know anybody who had one squeak on them.  Then a week back I was sorting a funny toe out and as I was bent over it I heard my hip squeak.  Twice in fairly quick succession then  that was it.  I even bent over again trying to get it but nothing.  I feel it clunk now and then when doing my squats but that so far has been first and only squeak. And I don’t think anyone else would’ve heard it.  Unless they’d had their head in my lap.  And frankly if anyone is that close there’ll be other things on my mind than an odd squeak!

So bit of a mixed bag really.  Not the glowing A+ report I’d have liked, more like a C- with a red pen ‘see me’ scrawled over it.  But I’m just going to focus on the good stuff.  I can walk fine, I have more time pain free than hurting, I’ve come to terms with the fact I cannot lose weight and just bought more big knickers, and on the ‘good stuff’ side Liverpool are sitting nicely in 2^nd place, 4 places and 7 points clear of Manure.  There’s always a bright side and as it could all go pear shaped by May I’m enjoying what I’ve got for now.

Merry Christmas :)

8 months, double anniversary

Today is a double anniversary.  8 months since I turned bionic, 5 years since I went to Chester Zoo wearing a lovely long dress and got married there.  That does make it sound like it just happened on the day but it was a planned event, honest.  Well I’d hardly go to the zoo in a long dress if I wasn’t up to something. 

Anyway it got me thinking that in the run up to the wedding that was when I was first suffering with my hip.  I did get worried I’d be struggling on the day; it was only a short aisle but the last thing I wanted was to not be able to walk down it.  As it was things were fine, I walked, I danced, I fretted over the football score as Liverpool played Man Utd on the day, but the hip was OK.  Though by that time I’d given up my dancing and zumba, little knowing that 5 years on I’d still not be back to doing them. 

In my last blog post at 6 months I said I had gone back to Dancercise and also got back on a horse.  I also said my groin pain had been getting worse and I’d been back to my surgeon.  Following his recommendation I did bin the classes for a bit and took ibuprofen.  And I worked on doing my hip flexor stretches.  But things aren’t getting any better.  It’s getting more painful.  It doesn’t hurt constantly but it hurts more often and when it hurts it’s more severe.  First thing in the morning it is sore and tight.  Stepping back into knickers has become a bit of a chore again.  Mostly I still manage it but there’s a not-so-lovely sharp stabbing pain as I do.  And it’s that movement of bringing my leg up when I feel it most, but to the point that it’s now there when doing every day things like driving.  Not bad enough to make me need to stop but I couldn’t do much more than the drive to work without it hurting more.  So Monday week I am going back to Cheadle again to see what Mr Hoad-Reddick can do.  Part of me still half wants to go straight to surgery if that would sort it and skip the injections.  But on the other hand I also don’t want to miss Christmas and if the shots might buy me a few months then maybe I’ll go for it.  Last year our work’s Christmas do turned out to be a really miserable night.  I blogged about it and don’t want to be blogging again saying how 2016 was the same.  I’m going to be dancing this year, not sitting in pain feeling sorry for myself.

And I’m not going to let this blog post turn into a self pitying whinge fest.  Yes the groin pain is there, and yes I am still overweight, but neither are going to get fixed that quickly so in the meantime there is good stuff.  My hip generally is brilliant.  If it wasn’t for the groin I’d likely forget half the time. I walk everywhere with no pain, I don’t worry about it at all and when I think of how it used to be it really has been a life changer.  I still lurk at least on a couple of facebook groups and see other people’s progress stories.  Some are ridiculously amazing, often US patients who have anterior approach with no restrictions and are up driving in 2 weeks, horse riding at 6, trekking, climbing, skiing...all sorts.  But others struggle more and I feel so sorry for them as this should be something that makes things great again.  One lady has had her stick forcibly removed by her surgeon at 7 months and she is scared as it gives her security.  I feel quite sad for her that after having had surgery she has lost confidence rather than gained it back.  When we went to Morocco at 13 weeks post op Kev asked if I was taking my stick; we’d got used to taking it on every holiday, even a long day out.  But I said no and had no hesitation in that.  I have no confidence issues at all.  I walk where I want, in crowds, mixed terrain, stairs and not a care in the world.  The only thing that has spooked me was a slippy floor.  I’m not generally scared of falling but the past few years winter has been hard as icy surfaces have seriously worried me.  I’ve had minor slips, the little wobbles that you get but because in the past my hip couldn’t deal with it, those little wobbles hurt or had the potential for real pain.  I have a horrible feeling that having been like that for 5 years I won’t be free of that worry so easy. As if I didn’t already feel like an old dear! 

And that has veered back into whinge territory again – must get out of it.  We had our cruise holiday and I was a bit gutted there was no particular buzzing or beeping at airports or ports.  Heck I even got a brief smile and a Happy Birthday from the Russian passport control lady!  We did tons of walking on the holiday.  Nearly every port we did was on a DIY basis and as a couple of times we failed to find the right bus so walked it all.  The fitbit was in overdrive.  A couple of times in talking to fellow passengers I mentioned I’d got the new hip; it was great seeing the total amazement on their faces.  Not to mention ego boosting when I get comments about how young I am!

And as well as walking miles…literally miles, thousands of steps…I wore heels, I got drunk, I danced.  Sometimes all 3 at once :)  I took part in my first silent disco…cue lots of tuneless singing (like that’s different to normal) as well as dancing loads.  I did intend to do dancercise on board the ship but that meant getting up early on our days at sea.  When the sessions were on I was usually stuffing my face on a huge breakfast.  Waffles and syrup…very sinful, VERY nice!  I did make it on the last day but as everybody by then knew the routines I was totally out of it.  It was blowing a gale and I couldn’t cope with the far too enthusiastic  Shawna, our activities manager.  10 minutes later I admitted defeat. But that was all I did bale out of.  As well as the walking, twice I climbed towers that I probably shouldn’t have done.  Pics below of the towers in question, and in the second you can see me halfway up trying not to look down!. Kev was sensible both times and sat at the bottom. 

The first in Tallin was a killer and I had to come back down almost sitting at the top end as the steps were narrow but deep.  I was back to doing one leg per step, operated leg first which was fine but by the end of that my left thigh was wrecked.  I spent a couple of days wishing I hadn’t done it.  Then a week later I was back up another one in Warnemunde (lovely beach town in Germany).  Steps a bit more sensible that time and no pain, though my head for heights was tested.  Great views, great for the fitbit and no grumbles from Horace – top result :)

So overall am I bit pissed off things aren’t perfect…yes.  But am I glad I went through the surgery? Too bloody right I am.  I know I’m not the most patient patient but at least I have a sympathetic surgeon and options.  And I can dance. And I can wear heels.  And hopefully next blog update will have less whingey bits :)